Something that I have recognised in myself recently is that what is happening in my business and work life determines how I feel on a daily basis. It effects my general mood, which in turn affects how present I am in my relationships, weekend activities and anything and everything else.
When you have your own business it can be extremely hard to switch off. Retaining a boundary between what is happening at work and what is happening at home can be almost impossible for me sometimes. Something I have noticed recently is that If I sell a painting or if I get a big order I am extremely happy. I am happy when I go home and happy for that whole day. However after a few days or weeks have passed and I haven’t sold a painting or had anything of particular interest happen, my mood goes back down and I feel less positive and successful in general.
Stepping back from these patterns and looking at myself I can’t help but ask – is this healthy? On reflection I am not sure that it is. In an ideal world I would strive to feel good about myself, happy and content no matter what happens in my business. When I sell a painting in the future, of course I’d like to feel happy but not to the extent that I am ecstatic for days knowing that this feeling will at some point pass. At the same when nothing particularly exciting is happening or nothing makes me feel worthy as an artist, I want to know that this feeling will again pass and that I am still happy, content and balanced.
Having this equanimity for me, is really hard. Yet the more and more I think about it and the more I experience this work including the highs and lows, the more I realise that nothing should be able to affect my mood and throw me off balance. These transient thoughts and feelings should not be able to affect my equanimity. If I come from a place of equanimity and nonjudgment I can take each experience as it is without getting drawn into the highs of success and the lows of what I think are my failures. I am definitely not there yet but slowly, slowly I’m hoping that I can take myself closer to this goal of equanimity.